A letter sent by Ministry of Manpower (MOM) is attached together with this post. MOM was requesting graduate in the workforce to help the ministry do a survey.
First, format of the letter is incorrect- it is a mixture of the block and modified block format. If modified block format is used, signature block should be aligned to the right. As for punctuation use, complimentary close and date should not have any punctuation. Mixed punctuation can be used-both complimentary and salutation having comma.
As mentioned, this letter is to persuade working professionals to do a survey. The drafter is not courteous judging from the tone. It is unclear if the letter is a warning or persuasive letter. For example, usage of the pink paper and the word ‘REMINDER’ in subject line being bold and underlined. The letter is not concise with much buffering in the first paragraph without a proper introduction about the objective of the survey being stated. That does not establish MOM credibility well. It should go straight to the point that the participation rate is low and explain the purpose statement of the study.
On the contrary, the drafter does have the audience interest and desire in mind as the potential benefits of winning a lucky was mentioned, though, without the details.
Dear Huixin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that the format of the letter is pretty bad as there are errors and inconsistencies that you have mentioned. I also want to point out that the first paragraph is missing the numbering 1 as compared to the next paragraph onwards. Getting the format of a business letter wrong may give a poor impression of the company and its professionalism. Hence it is worthwhile for the person who signs the letter to check the format and content of a letter even though he may not be the one drafting it since he represents the company and he is accountable for it.
As for the good points of the letter, I feel that there is correct use of language with no grammatical errors and generally easy to understand.
That’s all from me!
Regards,
Reza
Hi Huixin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with both you and Reza that the format of the letter needs improvement. It needs to be more consistent in its format. Moreover, as you have mentioned, there should not be any punctuation for the signing off.
Pink letters do serve as a form of 'warning' letter in my opinion. It is normally used when bills are expired or when given serious warning. It might have made the reader worried even before reading the letter. It is definitely not suitable for the purpose of this letter and needs to be revised.
However, the letter is considered to be precise and the language used is generally clear. Sufficient information was also given for the reader to do the survey.
Letter reflects a person's professionalism as mentioned by Reza, thus it is important for one to look through the letter and edit it being sending it out.
Cheers,
Xiujun =)
Hey huixin,
ReplyDeleteI feel that this letter needs more improvement in the way it is presented. As mentioned by Xiujun, the colour of the letter is alarming. In addition to this, the usage of bold words may put one off. Bold words are meant to remind people of urgent issues which requires immediate attention. Although, response to the survey is vital in collecting important facts, the writer of this letter should adopt a softer tone. Since, this is just a survey, the decision to complete the survey is still within my control. Hence, I feel that I would only be tempted to do a survey such as this only if I am asked courteously at the start of the letter.
In addition, I feel that the writer should not mention that they only received a 20% response rate. Some people may take this point as a form to remind themselves that they are amongst the 80% who did not respond to the survey. This may turn potential surveyors from attempting the survey.
The writer did express his thanks to those who attempted the survey. However, I feel that this form of gratitude should be express throughout the letter and not in the form of written but in the tone of the letter too. In conclusion, I feel that a bad letter does bode well of the writer and the company sending out the letter. A person should comprehend the purpose and audience of the letter when drafting one.
commented by ramani
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments!;D It's interesting to read the points i missed out. Cya all in class!:D
Cheers,
Huixin
p.s. MOM is a little too much in this letter, it's not as if they're paying people to do the survey!